Preparing for Adulthood

by Barbara Frank

I loved college. I loved the campus, I loved the dorms, and I loved the challenging classes (well, most of them). College was a great experience for me, and once I began having children, it was something I wanted for them, too. I assumed they would feel the same way. But as my oldest reached her mid-teens, she decided that college was not for her. At first I thought she’d change her mind, so I geared her work toward college preparatory subjects, and required her to take the PSAT and ACT. She scored above average on both tests. Soon college brochures and catalogs filled our mailbox, but none of them changed her mind.

Her dream was to work and be on her own. She felt that going to college was a way of delaying adulthood, and she was eager to be an adult. She had dreams of travel, and eventually getting her own place to live. She had been very independent, even as a small child, and that trait grew stronger as she approached her late teens. I kept thinking that maybe we should just sign her up somewhere. I thought if she went away to school and lived with other girls her age, she would change her mind and enjoy her surroundings. But my husband felt that there was no point in sending an unmotivated student.

As I grew to accept the inevitability of the situation, teaching only college preparatory subjects felt all wrong. Why study subjects she had no interest in, like a foreign language or chemistry, if she wasn’t going to need them for college? All she could talk about was how she was going to move to this city or that city. Some of her plans were very impractical because she had no idea of what it would cost to live on her own. Her naive talk started to make me a little nervous.

I closely studied my large collection of homeschool catalogs, hoping to find resources we could use for her last year of homeschooling. But it seemed like most products were geared toward the college-bound student, and those that remained focused on cooking and sewing. She already knew how to cook and sew. I was more concerned about how she would handle credit cards and whether she really understood how much it would cost her to feed and house herself.

I decided to design sensible projects for her. So, in addition to Math Review, Shakespeare, Bible, History and Expository Writing, each week she had to research different aspects of living on her own. She compared rents in different cities, and interviewed insurance agents, landlords and utility companies. She asked many questions and got useful answers.

Soon we branched out to subjects she’d need to know about before she got her first full-time job. She learned about health insurance (a must, as our health insurance wouldn’t cover her once she turned 19 unless she attended college full-time). She learned about taxes and withholding, budgeting and even mortgages. She educated herself about every aspect of buying a car, and the pros and cons of car loans.

I noticed that as she completed the projects*, her naive plans slowly turned into more logical ones. By the time she finished homeschooling, I felt that she was well-prepared for independence. She started studying different cities on her own. She researched and bought her first car, for which she paid cash, because she understood just how much interest a car loan would have cost her. And she didn’t move out as soon as she turned 18, as she’d always said she would, because now she really understood that she couldn’t afford it.

Instead, she saved up a portion of her pay, and she now has a good-sized savings account. She is nearly 20, and will soon move into a city apartment. We’ll miss her, but we see how excited she is about living on her own, and we’re thankful that she’s prepared for it.

Walking through the preparation process with her taught me a lot, too. I learned to listen to what she was really saying instead of expecting her to want what I wanted for her. I saw how prepared she could become with the right training. And now I get to see her try her wings as she leaves the nest.

Author note: Since 2003, when I first wrote this article, my daughter has lived on her own in a large city, bought a newer car for cash and enjoys the debt-free life.

* The projects are in my book Life Prep for Homeschooled Teenagers.

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2 thoughts on “Preparing for Adulthood

  1. Thanks for the article. My husband and I both have college degrees and he has a master’s. I was clueless about living on my own – although I did it from age 17. We both ended up in some type of sales that had nothing to do with our degrees. My kids are 12 and 4. At this point I feel college is good if there is a plan, a need for that degree and a knowledge of the potential income. My sociology degree did nothing for me.

    I applaud what you did with your daughter and am curious about what she does for a career / job.

    • Thanks for sharing your story, Wendy. My daughter is now 28 and has been in retail and retail management since going out on her own eight years ago; she also has a couple of small online businesses that allow her to exercise her creative nature. She’s still debt-free and very happy about it. Many of her coworkers have degrees and enormous debt; hearing about their financial difficulties makes her glad she’s not in that situation!

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